What are you talking about?
Bones doesn’t have a problem because of Jim’s hands.
It’s not like he imagines what they could do on him.
In short, Bones doesn’t have a problem because of Jim’s hands
Notes: Written as a fic exchange for thepathlesstrekked, where we picked some tropes we liked. I went with Coffee Shop AU, hired hand/worker, secret agents, accidentally married, and a bonus bed sharing.
“You know,” Jim drawled as he scribbled Leonard McCoy’s order on the cup. “For a guy who visits a coffee shop as often as you do, you don’t drink a lot of coffee.”
"Probably ‘cause it’s foul garbage.”
“Right.” Jim grinned; the first time he had seen the man walk in to the shop, it had been more of a stumble, bleary-eyed in the early morning as he mumbled out his order. ”Black tea, hot, nothin’ but the bare bones,” Jim drawled, mimicking the words from their first meeting as he went over to the pastry case to retrieve a peach muffin. ”Right?”
That earned Jim a wry smile. ”That’s the one.”
Leonard looks forward to the weekends, when his hectic hours of clinic duty and Jim’s classes finally give way to two days of nothing but lazing around the apartment, occasionally wandering out for food or catch a movie. He likes the look of their red uniforms hanging together in the closet, Jim walking around in nothing but one of Leonard’s old t-shirts and torn jeans, hair mussed and still yawning as he refills the coffee pot.
The best days are when it rains, and they spend those in Leonard’s small bed, Jim sprawled half on top of him with his head resting on Leonard’s chest, his hand pushed under the edge of Leonard’s shirt and resting possessively over his stomach.
He’s goddamn beautiful like this, relaxed and drowsy and his breaths puffing in little sighs across Leonard’s shirt, and Leonard can watch him sleep for hours.
When he wakes, it’s to the sound of Jim humming absently in the kitchen, an Academy sweatshirt pulled over his boxers and his bare feet tapping on the floor as he expertly flips a pancake.
"Breakfast is served," he proclaims, coming back to the bed with a loaded tray. "M’lady."
Leonard snorts and flips back the covers. “Get back in here.”
Jim’s feet are cold, and he insists on pressing himself against the inside of Leonard’s calves as he wriggles in and settles the tray on the nightstand. “You want milk or juice? We’re running a little on both….probably have to stop by after classes on Monday. Hey, did you hear about the….”
Jim rambles on as he fusses with the silverware, and Leonard tunes out quickly, distracted by the curve of Jim’s cheek, the smell of sleep still clinging to his skin.
"What do you think-" Jim begins, turning towards him, and Leonard kisses him, sliding his hand around the back of Jim’s neck and pulling him close as he rolls back, tugging Jim with him.
"Hey," Jim laughs, trying to wriggle away, and Leonard kisses him again. He gets one hand down the back of Jim’s boxers and the rest, as they say, is history.
Mirrorverse Mckirk idea: Bones is a vampire. He’s also a doctor training at Starfleet. This unfortunate combination means that he has a chip put in him that doesn’t allow him to kill (other too sadistic doctors get it put in them as well). It’s at the back of his neck, resting on his spine, and he is the only doctor good enough to remove it but he can’t reach it.
Since he can no longer kill, he no longer can drink from the living, because he will bite with the intent to kill, and the pain from the chip is too excruciating for him to stand. And one day, Jim and him meet for the first time down in the depths of the hospital while McCoy is waiting for a man on the table to slowly die so maybe he can just get the last fading tastes of life.
Jim grins, as he was looking for someone to fuck or kill or both that night anyway, and happily plunges his own knife into the dying man’s heart. When he sees the way those hazel eyes glow, how the doctor voraciously feeds, draining the man until there’s nothing left, Jim can’t help but be endlessly interested.
It doesn’t hurt that immediately afterwards, finally having a proper drink and the incredible taste of life, Bones is a shaky, needy mess that can’t help but beg for Jim’s attentions. Jim fucks him right there on the sterile floor, blood smeared across his mouth as he kisses and bites until the vampire bleeds as well. Bones just keens.
And so they have a routine. Jim likes to kill, and Bones needs to feed. Jim brings back some uppity freshman or pervert from the bar to Bones’ room, and slits their throat right there. And Jim fucks him into the nearest available surface afterwards. It even gets to the point where Jim will bring someone home for them to play with, the man fucking Bones and Jim fucking the man, and right when the vampire comes, Jim pulls them both out and breaks the man’s neck. Bones feeds immediately, Jim watching eagerly, until the man is drained dry. Then Jim pushes the body away and finishes fucking the writhing vampire.
Eventually, Jim gets curious, and wants Bones to feed from him. Bones refuses, saying he only bites to kill, so the chip wouldn’t allow it, even if he wanted to bite Jim. He’s become quite loyal, even fond of Jim at this point, so it’s not a possibility. Jim isn’t one to accept a no-win scenario, so he grabs Bones by his hair and growls that he will bite him and he won’t kill him. The vampire shivers and nods and hesitantly sinks his fangs into the blond’s wrist. When there is no pain, he knows he won’t take too much, and Jim preens with pride at that, petting his hair and telling him he’s good.
And Jim tastes amazing, real heart-still-beating life, and the bite doesn’t hurt, not too much anyway, and it actually feels euphoric, and they fuck afterwards like the world is ending and god it’s never been so good.
They only do it sometimes though, special occasions, since they both tend to lose control. They do it when graduate, and when they take control of the Enterprise, and when they conquer planets.
And then, after one especially victorious night, when Bones and Spock have switched bodies and the doctor is able to operate on himself and Bones is free when he returns to his body, they visit a nearby planet and paint the town red. And the doctor quickly becomes known as the deadliest thing in the galaxy, and there is only one man in the universe who can control him.
His captain, his lover, his Jim, who he happily and readily submits to at every call. And Jim has never been so proud.
Chief medical officer Leonard McCoy giving off his stare of disappointed disapproval.
bones! bones is a good boy!
Leonard didn’t mean to find the ring.
He’s at Jim’s apartment when it happens- though at this rate, it’s really their apartment, he thinks ruefully. His socks are already mixed with Jim’s, half the closet filled with his slacks and dress shirts, his favorite brand of coffee next to Jim’s on the kitchen counter and his own drawer of extra toothbrushes and toiletries in the bathroom.
Going on one year now, Leonard figures it’s only a matter of time before he officially moves in. He’s searching for his missing shirt in Jim’s half of the closet when he sees the lump in the inner pocket of one of Jim’s suit jackets and frowns, wondering if Jim’s forgotten to take something out.
And then he takes out the little blue box and stares at it, and his mind goes completely blank.
Oh my God, is his first thought, followed by, Fuck, now what?
In the end, he puts the box back in the jacket pocket without looking inside, and spends the rest of the hour lying face-up on Jim’s bed in shock.
Amazon.com: Almost Human: The Complete Series: Karl Urban, Michael Ealy, Minka Kelly, Mackenzie Crook, Michael Irby, Lili Taylor, Minka Kelly: Movies & TV
The UK and Canada are still waiting but hey it’s finally available somewhere other than the Warner Archive! Also this now gives fans the chance to put reviews of the show and dvd up where people will see it and hopefully interest others into buying it.
Keep promoting folks the more exposure the show gets the better.
Not sure what’s wrong with Warner Archive (I got a good deal there when it first came out) but yay for exposure on Amazon! :)
The first time that Jim hears Bones shift, his heart stops and he holds his breath until he hears the low growl from behind the curtain, deeper than any sound from a human throat.
"You ready?" Sulu asks beside him, and Jim nods wordlessly, his mouth dry and his heart starting up again unsteadily as Sulu pulls the curtain aside.
God Almighty, Bones is beautiful.
"Holy shit," Jim says weakly at the first sight of the snow leopard coiled in the changing booth, tail lashing back and forth and amber eyes locking onto Jim’s. "Fuck, Bones, look at you."
Bones gives a surprisingly human snort and saunters out, rubbing against Jim’s legs hard enough to almost knock him over. Awed, Jim lowers his hand, runs his fingers through Bones’ silky fur. Bones seems to like it well enough, knocking his head against Jim’s palm and rumbling deep in his chest.
"That’s good," Sulu says approvingly. "It looks like he’s taking well to you." Bones’ tail slaps hard against the ground at the sound of Sulu’s voice, and Jim looks over apologetically as the man shrugs good-naturedly and retreats to a safer location.
Jim lowers himself to one knee, stares straight into Bones’ golden eyes. “You’re a real asshole even as a cat, huh,” he murmurs, and Bones promptly licks his face. “Aw, God, Bones-“
Wiping away the layer of slobber, he sees Bones watching him with a careless amusement that can only be managed by cats. “Jackass.”
Bones chirps at him chidingly and sticks his ass in Jim’s face, smacking him with his tail before leading the way out to the training fields. Jim follows him, cursing quietly as he swipes at the fur now sticking to his damp skin, and the sunlight catches him by surprise as he steps outside.
Bones is already rolling around on the grass, growling satisfyingly and clawing at the dandelions until shredded bits of greenery are everywhere. Jim watches him for a second before following suit and dropping to his knees, rolling onto his back and gazing drowsily up at the blue sky.
To be truthful, he craves the action of the Defense unit, needs the pump of adrenaline as surely as he needs the beating of his heart, chases after the thrill and danger until they called him crazy behind his back and shifted him from unit to unit until he ended up here with Bones. But a day like this isn’t so bad, either, he decides.
He might even grow to love days like this.
Bones’ face enters his vision, whiskers tickling against his face before he snuffs and drops his head heavily on Jim’s chest, his tail curling around Jim’s leg possessively.
"Bones," Jim murmurs, scratching absently behind Bones’ ears and smiling lazily at the content noise it draws out. It’s a funny thing, he thinks, that the man can be so unapproachable as a human and a complete softy in his Therian form. It just goes to show, he decides triumphantly, that Leonard McCoy isn’t the hardass he likes to pretend he is.
"I’ve got your number, Bones," Jim smirks, and Bones licks him again to shut him up.
guess what i was just thinking about
Leonard’s more than bewildered when the native female shuts the door of the hut with something that sound suspiciously like a giggle, and he turns towards Jim with a question on his lips.
Anything he plans to say dies swiftly when he sees Jim standing there under the milky white light from the crystals embedded in the low stone ceiling, the paint on his skin darkened to a cobalt blue in the shadows beneath his arms and the curves of his hipbones.
"Um," Jim says, his voice oddly strangled as he stares at something on the floor, and Leonard follows his gaze to the pallet. "Shit." He follows up with a nervous laugh and Leonard crosses his arms apprehensively.
"Uh." Jim glances at him, a quickfire flick of his eyes before they dart away hesitantly. "I think they, um."
Leonard squints hard at him. “Spit it out, Jim, it can’t hardly be worse than havin’ to get marr-“
"I think they want us to consummate the marriage," Jim blurts out, and Leonard’s mind fractures.
He gawks at Jim for several long seconds and becomes blindingly aware that they’re alone together in a small room with less fabric on the both of them combined to make a hat for Keenser. “Fuck.”
"That’s the idea," Jim mumbles unhelpfully, and Leonard groans.
"I hate this planet."
There’s an awkward silence that follows, because the hell else is supposed to happen when you’ve gone and kissed your best friend and married him all in the same day? Leonard wants to hit his head against the wall, but even more than that, he just wants to kiss Jim again.
this kind of turned into wedding crack oops
"Leonard Horatio McCoy, will you do me the honor of becoming my-"
"No," Leonard says immediately. "Absolutely not."
Jim’s grin doesn’t falter, but there’s a note of muted panic in his voice when he mutters, “Bones, I think you’re supposed to say yes. Or at least let me finish popping the question.”
Leonard glares around helplessly at the circle of natives surrounding them, muttering among themselves and blinking suspiciously at the two of them. He looks back down at Jim where he’s down on one knee in front of Leonard, a cheerful grin frozen on his face as he squeezes Leonard’s hand.
"C’mon, babe," Jim encourages, and Leonard resists the urge to roll his eyes. "You know you want to."
The tip of a spear nudges helpfully at the small of Leonard’s back, and he edges away from it nervously. “This is ridiculous,” he mutters. “What kind of a society expects everyone to be married before carrying out a negotiation?”
"I think it’s just a cultural thing," Jim mumbles through his increasingly desperate smile. "Probably just a metaphor. Please just say yes before we get killed."
"This is why I’m divorced," Leonard tells the baby pink sky.
"Fine! Yes, goddammit." Not the most romantic answer to a proposal, but Leonard feels justified in his annoyance. All around them, the natives erupt into high-pitched cheers, and the next thing Leonard knows, he’s being showered in cloyingly sweet flower petals.
"What the-" he splutters, then feels hands on his arms, his clothing, pulling him away from Jim.
"Just go with it!" he hears Jim yell over the hooting. "They’re preparing the bride-"
It takes Leonard a couple of seconds to process that he’s the fucking bride in this situation before he’s being all but carried away by the native females.
Your wish is my command. [AO3]
Leonard is speechless. Absolutely speechless.
First there was the enormous amount of weight Jim’s able to curl. Then there was Jim benching his own body weight.
Then there’s this.